HISTORY OR HOAX (Volume 2)
This article contains one true story from history and one false tale. Can you guess which is which? (The answer will be revealed in the next installment of the series.) The true story from Volume 1 was “Speech Class 101.”
When Ghosts Give You More Than the Heebie-Jeebies*
It was a cold, I-can’t-see-past-the-end-of-my-nose kind of a night. The darkness came on in rolling waves of fog across the still harbor of Askoy, Norway. Only the occasional bark from a tied up dog and the rhythmic lapping of waves could be heard. Then suddenly, a faint creaking echoed on the wind. A shape materialized out of the thick cloudbank, tall and looming. Nearer and nearer it came, pulled by the sucking tide. You realized with shock that it is a ship headed not for the docks, but for the gravelly shore where you sat doing whatever it is that peasants did after midnight in the 1300s (my educated guess is poaching for clams or playing ye olde lyre). Closer, closer, then it was right upon you! You scrambled up the bank, followed by a rasping grind of wood on hard stone. The ghost ship had arrived.
Flash back several years from this day and the Black Death was ravaging Europe. While the rest of Western Civilization were dropping like flies, the peasants in Norway were rolling in health and cod liver oil. This was because they had A Game Plan. Step One: isolate themselves from infected countries. Step Two: inspect every ship that entered a Norwegian harbor. Step Three: deny entrance to any poor soul who was infected with the plague. As in every horror movie ever made, the plan worked perfectly until it didn’t.
In 1349, a ship carrying the fluffy hair of sheep set off from England towards Norway. Within days the plague had infected the entire crew. One by one, they breathed their last on the rotting boards of the boat deck. It was this vessel, full of dubious wool and the ghosts of an infected crew, which grounded in the Norwegian harbor. The peasants who boarded the ship had no idea that something more fishy than their reeking clothes was going on. Before the year was out, the plague swept through Norway leaving more ghosts in its wake. This is how Norway became infected with the Boooooobonic Plague.
The Cursed Necklace of Death (Sort of)**
We have all been told that crime never pays, but then again we were also told that Santa Claus is real and now I’m terrified of old, diabetic men getting stuck in my chimney. So, Hernando Cortez can be excused for not taking the first piece of advice to heart. Cortez, a Spanish explorer in the 1500’s, was travelling through South America with a band of conquistadors. The jungle was hot, muggy and unforgiving. In the day, they had to contend with blood sucking flies, anacondas, treacherous river crossings and dehydration. At night, panthers and vampire bats came searching for their blood. The snapping, crackling flames of the explorer’s campfires flickered in the glowing eyes of wild beasts. Yet, the men pushed on in search of treasure, fame and air conditioning.
One day they came across an empty village. The locals most likely left because of disease, famine or the impending Rapture. Cortez and his men found little in the stone huts and crude temple. Then in the rocky hillside above the town, they found burial caves. The Aztecs, like the Egyptians, buried their dead in stone caves with food and treasure for the afterlife because even ghosts need a Cheez-it every now and then. The explorers ignored Treasure Hunting Rule No. 1: "do not take any jeweled item from a tomb because it probably has a curse on it that will kill you later," and looted the caves. One of Cortez’s men took a gold necklace and stowed it in his pack.
That night the explorers camped a few miles away from the village. In the morning, one member of the company was stone dead. No commotion had been heard in the night and the body of the soldier had no visible wounds. Disturbed, Discouraged And Definitely Depressed, Cortez and his followers pushed deeper into the tropical jungle. They camped that night with a blazing fire and several guards. But when the morning came, another man had perished. At this point I would have gotten rid of all the stolen gold and my false identity, but the Spanish stubbornly kept on travelling. On the third and subsequent nights after that, no one else died. Some historians say that the men, who slept on the jungle floor, were killed by poisonous scorpions. If this is true, why did the soldier with the (probably) cursed necklace die first?
*Bowlin, Ben, host. “How the Black Death Came To Norway On A Ghost Ship.” Ridiculous History, Spotify, 2 May 2019.
**Myer, Christopher. Conquistadors & Aztecs: The Era of Spanish Exploration. Oxford: Oxford UP, 1989. Print.